Archive for the ‘Flash Updates: People and Places’ Category

Stay Tuned
July 24, 2012

To all my loyal readers—please stay tuned as I will be updating this publication. For those who are new, please enjoy this 1920s saga. Always inspired, Eleanor

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Looks can be Deceiving
October 16, 2011

Peaceful activities can be very deceptive. Especially when it seems too quiet, as it has lately around the streets of Chicago. There is a growing unrest that cannot be denied. As prohibition advances through the decade, it inspires tremendous growth in the very vice it aims to eliminate. Good intentions can have unexpected consequences. They can even backfire. So it is with great concern that The Chicagoan is on the lookout.

Observant citizens can’t help but notice that the city is growing very quickly. Unlike in a small town, new faces don’t stand out very much; they are expected. But there is some strange behavior that is starting to get noticed. Men in expensive suits are gathering in small groups on street corners, standing too close together, whispering, and glancing about. What is of particular concern to this publication is that many of these frequent but short meetings are happening just outside The Chicagoan office. Granted there is a popular shoeshine stand positioned at the corner of the building, but informants coming in and out of the office with scoops seem to feel a bit intimidated by the well dressed men standing about.

Business is business and everyone understands that. Each has a unique way of conducting it and Chicago has proven itself as quite tolerant. However, there is a difference between tolerance and denial, between naïveté and skepticism, between seeing the good in people and being prepared for the worst.

shoe shine stand activity

Shoeshine stand is strategically placed so any action can be seen up and down Center Street. Mister Moorlord keeps his shoes in top condition while he stays current with published opinions. Mister Cascone happily gives these well-known shoes their continual perfect patina.

It is particularly notable that Mister Shepham Moorlord always has the shiniest shoes. If anyone has important business to discuss with Mister Moorlord and has the guts to interrupt his reading of The Chicagoan (and less reputable newspapers sprouting up in town), he can be found frequenting this particular location. Served by Mister Vinny Cascone, it is a good idea to make friends with this more quiet and unassuming fellow first. Mister Cascone has been around town all his life observing and making smart associations, but not astute enough to elevate his profession from shoe shine to dreams of influence. Perhaps, though, much like a barber, he is in a great position to gather and pass on information, thus making his home life a bit more comfortable than the meager salary from his modest enterprise might allow. Maybe the tips are particularly good for a man with his experience.

"businessmen"

Mister Carrollo is barely communicative, Mister Colosimo sees more than he tells, and Mister Tony is seen everywhere.

Several of the newcomers of mysterious business must go unnamed because they won’t respond when questioned by reporters. Only Mister Carlo Carrollo was polite enough to offer a minimum of introduction. Most of these men don’t use too many words. And the words they do use are spoken so low and quietly, it is hard to hear them. They will not repeat themselves either. In fact, they ignore everyone who is not of their own kind—except for their gracious lady companions who dress as nicely as they do. Leading the group of fashionable “businessmen” is Mister BigJim Colosimo who likes to observe more than be watched.

Mister Fat Tony is also a known name about town, though he is as tight-lipped as his colleagues. Hopefully the good citizens of Chicago will not let these “businessmen” (who lurk outside the Chicagoan office) deter them from doing their civic duty by dropping in with tips to enrich this publication with different views and understandings.

(Photos by Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord)

For information on upcoming activities please see www.1920chicago.com.

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Historical notes:

The romance and the glamour of gangsters in the 1920’s has given Chicago its continuing international reputation. The drama and intrigue are played up; the sordid and evil are swept under the rug. The SIM is realistic in its gathering of fashionable and questionable characters. It portrays the gradual decline of legal power as the decade progresses. By 1929, the year of the infamous massacre, morals in the city had degenerated to the point of alarming the average citizen. Ringing the downtown business district, private speakeasies and brothels were almost beyond counting. While bootlegging flourished and businesses profited, the influx of questionable characters also increased, seeing a marked rise in the crime rates.

At the end of the decade, several developments occurred that concluded the culture of the Roaring 20’s—as if someone threw a switch. First the St. Valentine’s Day massacre stirred the attention of tax payers who demanded that something be done. Secondly, the stock market crashed that fall, plunging the entire country into depression and transformed gangsters into heros. But not yet. The SIM still stirs with those last days of the decade—days of more unsavories joining the population and more women seeking some of the world’s oldest professions. Organized crime is inspired by prohibition to develop a powerful black market; the structure continues today in the SIM as well as in the real life city. The black market grew from alcohol to arms to prostitution and to countless “reputable” front businesses. It spread its tentacles into every level of society. This assembly of mysterious “businessmen,” secretly led by warring puppet-masters is replayed on these streets. Citizens beware.

Love is in the Air
September 28, 2011

Although citizens were not happy when Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord and Mister Shepham Moorlord—leading Chicago citizens—eloped last year, these leaders finality made up for it. Crictics speculated that the wealthiest guy in town did not want to spend the money on a fancy wedding, thus depriving residents of what they love the most: a spectacle. But second to that, everyone loves a great party, and that is what the one-year anniversary celebration provided. Finally. It took a year. But dancers and music lovers alike were pleased to celebrate the one year anniversary of Misses and Mister Moorlor’s secret nuptials. Better late than never.

Fiume anniversary party

Anniversary party at the Fiume Jazz Lounge has a huge turnout.

All the other leading citizens of Chicago had to be there. This was one of those mandatory events that if missed, will harm reputations and careers. Astute business owners—especially the undercover ones—were wise to pay their respects to those that direct all development in the city.

citizens celebrate

Residents from every social strata in the city celebrate the anniversary of Misses and Mister Moorlord, entertained first by Miss Una Woodrunner's selection of vintage tunes and then Mister Harry Frychester's quite original performance of classics—most of which are dedicated to the romantic couple paying for the party.

Such leaders as the Moorlords do set trends. Just recently, readers may recall, that Mayor KJ Kiranov eloped with the glamorous and ladylike Miss Xyza Armistice. This kind of behavior can set trends that can put catering companies and dance halls out of business. And it deprives friends, relatives, and nosey neighbors of a fun event.

Yet private marriages, while kind to the pocketbook, are also simple. Large marriages can be stressful for working professionals. So it should come as no surprise to readers that Miss Eleanor Medier betrothed Doctor Heavy Writer last weekend—with their dog and twelve of their horses as witnesses.

Medier marries Writer

The city's latest elopement, of Miss Medier and Doctor Writer, is of surprise to no one.

Private weddings can still be quite romantic if settings are carefully chosen. The more casual, with some spontaneity for spice, the better. However, this is not to say that large marriages and more formal events should not be embarked upon! There are many couples that wish to share their love with others in what then become memorable celebrations. Marriage is, after all, a type of passage—a change from thinking individually to thinking collectively.

Quixote marries Graves

The large wedding of Misses Quixote to Mister Graves is the event of the season.

Pressure is also taken off those who sneak off to get married when there are those who choose to be more generous in sharing their good fortune. Last weekend also celebrated the elegant and sumptuous wedding of Miss Paradise Quixote to Mister Mikk Graves. Misses Graves is very popular in Chicago as a favorite helper. She serves on juries, works in the bank, and dances at the Boom Boom on weekends. Mister Graves, on the other hand, is less known. He seems to be a businessman who keeps his affairs close to, or inside, his vest. Because of Miss Quixote’s large circle of friends, their wedding was the event to end the summer on a high note and satisfied the social needs of everyone there.

Chicagoans celebrate such nuptial unions as good for the city. Watching the romantic escapades of those in power is one of the population’s favorite topics for conversation. And so many romantic celebrations at once do take attention away from activities that sometimes best remain in the dark. Setting all other more serious cares aside, residents clink their collective champagne glasses, and drink to the happiness of those writing the headlines.

Chicago Boasts Bombshell Leadership
September 13, 2011

Often eclipsed by the more visible nightclubs and speakeasies in Chicago, the cultural side of enterprise is certainly grabbing a toe-hold. Strolling in the fog from the mills along the river, evading the winds that come from the west (bringing odiferous nasties from the stock yards), and dodging the rail road tracks that crisscross downtown like veins, the aesthetic achievement might seem quiet by comparison, yet is flowering. Citizens don’t hear enough about Chicago’s achievements in architecture, literature, painting—or certainly in film!

Chicago filmmakers are pioneering moving pictures. With stars like Charlie Chaplin and Gloria Swanson, films created here are shown internationally. So it is no surprise that Chicago should be a mecca for the ambitious and the up-and-comers. The more beautiful the better. The more innocent, the more fun to taunt. The more talented, the better the chances of reaching the silver screen. The more connected, the wealthier, with or without talent.

Even The Chicagoan‘s own Miss Eleanor Medier came naively to the city. She has experienced her own form of initiation as a young innocent arriving from the country. Now established as a journalistic professional, she has sympathy for those just starting out. Recalling so many who bring talent and glamour to these pages, the transformation from newbie to sophisticate is always entertaining. It doesn’t hurt either to offer a helping hand.

Film studios, popping up around the permitter of the Loop, boast quite a few new stars. Essanay leads the pack of film companies, helping the community produce more movies now than Hollywood—who is trying to seduce talent away from the cold weather! Let them try!!!

In the meantime, new talent is flowing into the city and deserves to be kept busy. Audiences are flocking to the movie theaters even faster than to the live performance venues. Starting out is a challenge for the best actors and actresses; the film industry is especially glamorous. And fashion always flourishes with competition!

Newcomer and up-and-coming starlet Miss Hannah Heir exemplifies the new faces appearing in the city, with stars in their eyes and adventures on their horizons. She has hopes to be a great star one day and dazzle her friends back home in East Haven Louisiana. It is true that anything can happen here. Those that best combine talent, beauty, politics, and opportunity are the ones that will make the most headlines. Can’t help that. News is news. But with crime down for a short time on the city streets, beautiful young creatures like Miss Heir are appearing, as more feature films are shot here.

Hannah Heir

Miss Heir graces the city streets with glamour. She looks remarkably like Miss Jean Harlow who is seducing producers around the Los Angeles area after leaving Chicago—thus missing out on the opportunities here, poor thing. Competing for status as having the most beautiful blond bombshells, Chicago is willing to step up!!! Photos are generously contributed from Miss Heir.

Also, as the film industry continues to resist the pull of California, much talent is drawn from locally established performers. Miss Stormy Pixelmaid, as the city’s most popular comedian, can make the transition to moving pictures easily. Performing regularly at Miss Bea Shamrock‘s Chop Shop. Miss Pixelmaid’s material is vaudeville-style and hilariously funny!! Not to be missed!

Stormy Pixelmaid and Sylvan Shilling

Miss Pixelmaid is a consummate performer who will make headlines in the movies, no doubt. She is always seen at the hottest places in town with her dear friend and companion, Sylvan Shilling.

Although Miss Shamrock declined to be interviewed for this article, as one of the best hostesses this city can offer, it isn’t fair not to show some of her wonderful outfits. Whenever there is a contest for best dressed, she wins! No one in Chicago looks more appropriate for every ocassion than she does!

Miss Bea Shamrock

Miss Shamrock, always perfectly dressed, appears at every important occasion and is one of the hardest working women in Chicago. Plus she excels at dancing.

Miss Shamrock is the consummate hostess at the Chop Shop that supports new and seasoned talent in the city, along with the best tunes making hits on the radio.

As The Chicagoan loves to discover and promote talent, hopefully the audiences in this Greatest American City will further enjoy the performances of the new and the seasoned alike, keeping the leadership as Movie Capital of the World.

For information on upcoming activities please see www.1920chicago.com.

Historical notes:

The old Essanay Studios building can still be seen on Argyle Street in Chicago’s north side, as part of St. Augustine College. Because Thomas Edison demonstrated moving pictures at the Chicago World’s Fair in 1893, interest of producing films sprouted the industry. But the city lost then to Hollywood due to politics (what a surprise!), money (bigger surprise!), and freedom (always an artistic quest).

The Wonders of Woodrunner
July 11, 2011

In a very great city, there are always hard-working individuals that provide a backbone of talent, entertainment, and the enjoyment of finer things in life. The Chicagoan set out to find one person to exemplify all three. There is no other that better expresses Chicago’s appeal than Miss Una Woodrunner.

Beginning her Chicago career as a disc jockey (DJ), Miss Woodrunner owes much of her start to the culturally dynamic duo of Mister Shepham Moorlord and Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord. When Miss Woodrunner stepped off the train from New York (she will not reveal her reasons for leaving the other biggest U.S. city), she knew that she needed to discover the most powerful people. That requires ASKING the right people, so she sought out the owners of the classiest club in town: The Fiume. One afternoon, dressed impeccably, Miss Woodrunner visited the nightclub, tastefully an hour before opening. When Mister Moorlord first laid eyes on Miss Woodrunner, he knew that they could do business together. He was quick to introduce the stunning brunette to his wife, and fortunately for him, they became fast friends.

As readers know, Misses Moorlord had owned the hugely popular Colosimo’s Restaurant. With an insightful perception, she always sizes up every interesting newcomer to tap the best talent. With flair for entertainment, Misses Moorlord was thrilled to discover that Miss Woodrunner had performance experience. Colosimo’s was at its peak then, as this was prior to the tragic murder that signified the popular restaurant’s demise (or maybe it was because the owners went on to bigger and better things).

Long-time residents will recall the twinkly summer evenings spent first dining on Mama’s great cuisine while entertained by Miss Woodrunner’s eclectic recording collection. Walking off a full meal, no one can forget strolling through the park as the music wafted out from the restaurant’s windows. All admired the city’s unexpected beauty and its expected elegant entertainer! Although soft-spoken, Miss Woodrunner exudes confidence and composure. She lives to please her audiences and customers through a consistent dedication to her craft.

Una as DJ

Miss Woodrunner hostesses as a DJ at the best private speakeasies in the city: The Boom Boom Lounge and The Chop Shop.

While The Chicagoan searches to profile role models in Chicago, there are so many opportunities for courageous women that the fairer sex often dominates these pages. (Perhaps this should be a message to the guys to become more creative. Or maybe it is because there are less guys around since the Great War gobbled up so many.) The women of Chicago represent the best of hard-working professionals. Miss Woodrunner’s career is an exemplary example when creative thinking meets opportunity.

Una attends events

Miss Woodrunner is always seen at the hottest events in town from the St. Valentine's Day Ball to east side blues clubs, to St. Patrick's Day celebrations. She is always perfectly attired and tries to always be appropriate.

To settle in with a good salary as a DJ, Miss Woodrunner added more gigs such as the Chop Shop and, eventually, the most-popular Boom Boom Lounge. She continued her dance classes and practiced everyday, filling in as an understudy to advance her skills. Since a little girl, Miss Woodrunner has dreamed of being a dancer more than any other preoccupation. Her greatest joy comes from pleasing others with her talents. Uncommonly beautiful, she even defies many of the current fashions such as bobbed hair and flattened chests. More than half of Miss Woodrunner’s growing fans are male, and because her goal is to please, she knows how to use her beauty to provide. Miss Woodrunner is very respectful of fantasy and the freedom to pursue the imagination. She lets no grass grow under her stilettos while she is also one of the most dependable workers in town!!

Una performs at home

Even at home, Miss Woodrunner demonstrates the ultimate in glamour. Multi-talented, she entertains her more private guests with a special ambience.

When astute businessman Mister Moorlord opened The Empire Burlesque Theater to showcase his wife’s dancing (thus propelling her to stardom), he had his eyes on Miss Woodrunner as well. Through her husband’s recommendation, Misses Moorlord collaborated with Miss Woodrunner, finding that they both share a vision of building larger audiences.

Una dances

Miss Woodrunner demonstrates her flair for the dramatic by dancing at The Empire Burlesque.

On Saturday nights, growing crowds are enjoying the ever-changing and dazzling acts these two glamor girls create, alongside Miss Mercedes Faith. There, Miss Woodrunner is in her glory. Collecting admiring and delighted stares is like a shot of adrenalin to her—it provides a thrill for her that is unparalleled by other activities. She describes: “The burlesque combines my talents with my poetic [albeit erotic] expressions, love of costume, and development of drama. I enjoy sharing my fantasies with others, as I believe they have them too.”

Shep supervises

Mister Shepham Moorlord, dressed more casually than usual, supervises the staging of Miss Woodrunner's latest act.

Even though her performance star is on the rise, Miss Woodrunner has another side to her character that pulls her ambitions: her long-term goal of having a tea/flower shop. At heart, under all the finery and display, beyond the tantalizing and teasing, Miss Woodrunner values the finest things of life: beauty, friends, and quality time.

Un poses as candy

Miss Woodrunner looks appetizing while she poses at the beginning of her candy-dancing performance.

It is understood that many who move to Chicago want to forget their past and get a fresh new start. Though irresistibly mysterious, Miss Woodrunner’s silence about her history demonstrates her discretion. And her hardworking record in Chicago demonstrates her solid character. She deserves to be rewarded with the ultimate dream of her own shop, which landowner Mister Moorlord is more than happy to rent to her.

Una at her shop.

Miss Woodrunner's flower shop is the height of sophistication and elegant beauty, much as the lady herself. At the end of the day, Miss Woodrunner is a lady, albeit one that has lost her inhibitions

Miss Woodrunner enjoys a lifestyle of the deepest enjoyment. From afternoons on her terrace to evening performances, she never experiences a dull moment, and neither do Chicagoans who are grateful for her devotion and contibution to the city’s culture.

Una hostesses

Miss Woodrunner entertains her new good friend Miss Medier, who makes friends with all those whim she interviews.

FLASH: Currents of Change
April 25, 2011

It does not pay to be complascent in Chicago. Happy with the reputation of being the ‘lightning city’ due to exploding population growth, the capital of the Midwest welcomes new citizens of all nationalities. Some of these transplants even arrived doubting that Chicago can live up to its reputation of being the friendliest city until they arrive and find everyone not only super friendly, but more than interested in doing business, and in details of their business specifically. Afterall, the city is determined to be strong in every aspect of the best life: agricultural center for fresh cuisine [everyone manages to ignore the wind when coming the wrong direction from the stockyards], business hub [never mind that much of the business is conducted under the table or in the back room], fantastic entertainment [growing ever-more risqué], cultural landmarks [well almost, if the tight-fisted politicians would loosen up some cash to increase the collection for the Art Institute or build some of the monuments that will be icons the future], sports center [ok—trying to be, but there are ambitious souls willing to recruit the athletes, thus trying to rehabilitate any criminals tendencies into healthier pursuits], and shopping haven [the classiest in the country have to be here]. Chicago, as a big city, for the most part, lives up to the reputation it covets, being willing to work hard because it is also the city of big shoulders. There can be no big shoulders without a strong body underneath them. Chicago’s body is its complex interweaving of leadership in every aspect of what makes a city great. That body needs a diet of new activities. Hence this week profiles the newest and the best to increase Chicago’s so well-deserved reputation and status.

• Boom Boom Booms and Rebooms

It can’t be easy running an establishment like the super-popular Boom Boom Lounge. Astute readers will realize that in the history of this publication, there have been two previous owners. Each of them went on to bigger and better things: Miss Gigi Gartenberg became Miss Roaring 20’s and is on the road representing this great city all over the world, though her behavior often inspires heads to shake. Then there’s Mister Art Clift who has taken his very popular show that premiered here to Atlantic City. Chicago hates when that happens. So many great talents begin here, get some recognition, and then get more acclaim elswhere. Perhaps Chicago is just an ambitious place by personality, giving so many of the famous their starts. The Boom Boom Lounge is one of those establishments that discovers music and good times and it is the city’s oldest and most beloved club. So it is with great pleasure that patrons welcome new owners Miss Faelann Magic and Mister Charlie Duffield to the arena of fine establishments in the city.

Boom Boom swings

Relaxing at the more mellow Boom Boom, Miss Medier dances with Doctor Writer, owners Miss Magic with Mister Duffield, Miss Bea Shamrock with Miss Beckye , Bernstein while Miss Jadelicious Crystal and Mister Jamesbrowne Barrymore observe, served by bartender Mister Jake Hansome and DJ Miss Una Woodrunner.

Those who love a great party will find a much more mellow Boom Boom this time—a place to forget the cares of the week, to socialize, and for some, to dance. Respecting the familiar and comfortable interior so treasured by loyal visitors, Miss Magic and Mister Duffield have preserved its authenticity. There are several landmark establishments expected as a part of Chicago’s character, and the Boom Boom is a classic. The new owners’ friendliness and easy attitudes make it a pleasure to relax and enjoy the engaging company.

• Blues Blast

Things were not so peaceful at The Naked Blues Club this week. In fact, the time of quiet so enjoyed this last few weeks may be coming to an end. Confidential sources say that gun sales are up. Trouser pockets have been visibly bulging more and lady’s purses have become larger. But the wariness is warranted considering recent events.

blues club

Miss Stormy Pixelmaid and Miss Sylvan Shilling relax in the sumptuous leather chairs while Miss Bea Shamrock and Mister Jakob Faulds dance nearby.

Doctor Heavy Writer, owner of The Naked Blues with Miss Eleanor Medier‘s assistance as hostess, welcome a great crowd on Wednesday night. Blues penetrates right into the souls of Chicagoans—they crave it for aesthetic and emotional fulfillment. Hearing the best, patrons close their collective eyes and sway to the music, transported into a thoughtless moodiness of tones and feelings. New friends are made that night as Misses Bessy Lyon Avon and Mister McCole (Cole) Avon show off their own great moves and sophisticated fashion choices. Conversations buzz in the background as famous blues artist Mister Ziffy Zarf checks the place out, an old friend of Doctor Writer’s and worth listening to at every opportunity when he performs around the country.

dancing to blues

Couples swirl and sway to the best blues in Chicago at the Naked Blues Club: Miss Medier with Doctor Writer, Misses Starla Hundress Moorlord with Mister Shepham Moorlord, Miss Shamrock with Mister Jake Faulds, Misses Lyon Avon and Mister Avon, and Mister Mikk Graves arriving.

But the peace and euphorial isn’t to last—unfortunately this is what happens in Chicago on a regular basis. Whomever invented the tommy gun must be getting rich these days with the number of them appearing around corners or in alleys. Maybe it is the popularity of the newcomers Misses Lyon Avon and Mister Avon, but as they leave a wonderful evening at the blues club, they are on their way home when shots ring out from behind the church! Misses Lyon Avon is struck down by what may or may not be a stray bullet! Officers are slow on the scene, but Doctor Writer isn’t, and assesses the situation almost immediately. Being a take-charge kind of person, he orders that Misses Lyon Avon’s be transported to the hospital. There, he is joined by the dedicated and multi-talented Miss Una Woodrunner, who’s abilities in caring for others cant be denied. Her skills as an attentive nurse are highlighted when she arranges that Miss Medier donateblood to save Misses Lyon Avon’s life. Not immune to performing heroics, Miss Medier doesn’t anticipate her wooziness afterwards but is always happy to be of service to those in need.

Bessy gets in trouble.

Bessy Misses Bessy Lyon Avon is shot by a possibly stray bullet while on the way home, helped by Doctor Writer who had just entertained the victim only half an hour before at the Naked Blues Club. The good doctor operates on victim, assisted by Miss Medier's donated blood and Nurse Woodrunner's tender loving care. As Misses Lyon Avion is recovering, she invited Miss Medier and Doctor Writer to see her funeral home that juste opened, bringing one notorious customer with them: Mister Phillip Linden, may he rest in peace.

No one can forget about the shooting, however, because poor Misses Lyon Avon is seen everywhere about town in her wheel chair, against doctor’s orders. The police, still consumed with solving the now world-famous Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre, have a major conflict at their door. With the world watching, it is embarassing to still not have suspects in custody for this shocking gang-related crime. Secondly, there is now a domestic shooting of a prominent and well-needed new contributor to the city’s infrastructure, also unsolved. With her family’s undertaker enterprise, every citizen in town will eventually need Misses Lyon Avnon’s services. But there are those who wonder if she almost was to be her own first new client in her adopted city! The attempted murder may be unsolved but it is not forgotten. It has all of her new friends on guard, practicing their weapon-shooting skills, and driving their cars a little faster, especially around corners.

• Enterprising Entertainers

Perhaps the most delightful of new features that elevates Chicago yet higher on the fashion and lifestyle status charts are two new shops. It is so inspiring to see that beauty and brains do go together. Both Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord (who doesn’t really need to work because she is married to the richest guy in town—how smart is that??) and Miss Una Woodrunner (who’s multi-talented skills and ventures never cease to astonish) are inspiring all who know them with their business acumen.

hat shop

Misses Huntress Moorlord sets a new standard of fashion with her recently-opened hat shop.

For Misses Huntress Moorlord, she is having the most fun. Famous for her fashion sense, she understands how accessories make the outfit. With the opening of her new hat shop right next door to The Chicagoan office, those on the east side are very grateful to obtain such sparkle to the hard-working hard-playing warehouse district that sports most of the city’s hottest entertainment spots: The Boom Boom, the Empire Burlesque Theater, and the Naked Blues Club. All lovely and elegant ladies will now be demonstrating their own great taste with seeing who can best wear Missess Huntress Moorlord’s styles, at the same also supportive of the wife of the richest guy in town. Chicagoans are smart that way.

hat displays

Hat displays show the innovative designs off as jewels ready to enhance outfits for all fashion-consicious ladies

Miss Woodrunner receives admiration as a hard working girl because she invests her earnings into her own business. Who works harder in Chicago than Miss Woodrunner? She DJ’s jazz tunes at the Chop Shop on Sunday night, she serves during the week as a nurse at the hospital, and her patients tend to recover faster at the prospect of going to see her dance on Saturday night at the Empire Burlesque Theater. If she isn’t busy enough working for others, she now has opened the shop of her dreams selling tea and flowers to enhance the ambience of what can sometimes be a rather dreary city. Bringing beauty, talent, and color to this hard-working town makes Miss Woodrunner not only popular, but increases her fame. Such commitment to aesthetics deserves to be rewarded.

flower and tea shop

Miss Woodrunner's flower and tea shop is strategically located right by the park, offering great view of gardens without and within.

Both famous and talented, these two beautiful entertainers continue to amaze fans at their range of successes. The stars feel so lucky to have more opportunities in the 1920s than their mothers or grandmothers had. Misses Huntress Moorlord and Miss Woodrunner prove that women can have it all, especially in Chicago.

flower shop patio

The flower shop has a great patio where shoppers can relax for lemonade with the park on one side and Lake Michigan on the other. Photograph by Miss Woodrunner.

• Civic Celebration

The best news of the week is that the Easter Picnic is elegant, civilized, and uninterrupted by any mischief of any kind for a change. It may be due to the fact that Mayor KJ Kiranov is on his honeymoon with Misses Xyza Armistice Kiranov. Trouble seems to drip from him like wax from a candle. Hopefully he can find some needed peace and quiet to reflect on his unnverving pattern of attracting criminal behavior. Perhaps his new misses can have a greater positive influence on his focus and commitment to his continued service to the people of Chicago.

In the meantime, those prominent citizens intown for the holiday weekend took a quick moment out of busy schedules and family commitments to congregate in the park. Catching up on all the latest news works both ways for The Chicagoan. Not only is it the duty of this publication to report on events, it is the duty of citizens to be sure to fill Miss Medier’s ears with information [and gossip] to help her jump to the correct conclusions. It is a public service to share tips and observations.

At the picnic, the recent shooting of Misses Bessy Lyon Avon was the talk of the hour. Mister Shepham Moorlord, so busy with several of Chicago’s most popular new enterprises and the guy who already owns half of the town, was shocked to learn of the details. However, Misses Lyon Avon’s descriptions of the shooter remain very vague (everyone consumed a lot of blueberry juice at the blues club), Doctor Writer, Miss Medier, and Miss Woodrunner, who all cleaned up and repaired the damage, were happy to give vivid descriptions of the drama from their after-the-facts points of view.

Easter picnic

Celebrators at the picnic on Saturday enjoy good juice and better conversation: Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord with her husband Mister Moorlord, Misses Lyon Avon in her wheelchair accompanied by her daughter Miss Whitey Lee.

Communication is always healthy for a community. Fortunately, Chicagoans love a party. As opportunities to see friends, catch up on developments, to show off great outfits, and to have fun, Chicagoans need a regular diet of activities. Happy to provide, vitality of change can be celebrated daily, assuming that stray bullets can be avoided.

• New Tradition Starts?

There is no end to amusement when inspired by good music and fine beverages. Every Sunday Miss Bea Shamrock serves the tastiest refreshments, Miss Stormy Pixelmaid offers the most hilarious and clever  jokes, and Miss Una Woodrunner uses her sense of humor to get guests to do what they normally would never consider. What self-respecting journalist can resist publishing these photos that show the folly of otherwise quite conservative and hard-working citizens? Holidays are designed to give a relief from the drudgery of everyday responsibilities. To let loose and act like rabbits is probably somehow good for the participant’s perspective, though elusive as to exactly how. Nonetheless, a good time was had by all.

bunny hop

Miss Una begins the bunny hop song, with an infectuous repetition. Mister Bronxx Moonwall leads the procession followed by good sport Miss Woodrunner, Miss Shamrock, Miss Pixelmaid, Miss Sylvan, then adding Mister Dijek Reichman.

bunny hop

Miss Woodrunner insists that she will not stop playing the bunny hop until ALL of the patrons join in—meaning Miss Medier and Doctor Writer who are so engrossed in each other's eyes that it takes them quite some time to realize what is happening. Sighing with resignation, they reluctantly join the line but soon are loosing themselves in the rhymn of "one-two-three, hop-hop-hop."

Even the generally stoic Doctor Writer joins in after consuming several glasses of blueberry juice, proving that there is no limit to the silly things a sophisticated guy will do for love. More hoppers join in as the squiggling line goes around and around the perimeter of the Chop Shop: Miss Dawn Michelle Zauber, and Miss Beckye Bernstein.

FLASH: From Sparks to Flames
March 23, 2011

If it is true that sex and romance sell publications, then this issue should fly off the shelves! Chicago gets steamier as spring starts thawing the icey edges of the winter-worn city! This week kicked up emotions and blood pressures as residents released pent-up winter frustrations. It is good for the city to relieve tension because too many people have been hidden quietly behind closed-doors lately which makes for some tame news days. This week made up for it with the most tantalizingly colorful developments ever!

For those residents who are under age, squeamish, or easily embarassed, this week’s activites may stretch comfort-zones. As a dedicated reader of the news in Chicago, get ready for the provocative! Three stories represent different sides of the emotional spectrum: “The Ultimate Fantasy,” “Romancing the Writer,” and “Swingingly Sweet.”

The Ultimate Fantasy

As the second largest city in the country, Chicago never takes second place in fashion, culture, entertainment, or drama. To be a great city means to offer something for everyone. Between the elegance of The Fiume, the warmth of The Boom Boom, and the casualness of Bea’s Chop Shop, it makes sense that Chicago needs a smokier and more seductive offering. So to the delight of all sensually-inclined residents, The Empire Burlesque, owned by Mister Shepham Moorlord, premiered Sunday night.

Featuring dancers Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord, Miss Una Woodrunner, and Miss Mercedes Faith, this carefully crafted and enticing show pleased the very well-behaved audience. Undoubtedly there will be more viewer participation in upcoming shows, as such sexually-rich performances are very popular. Tastefully hosted by ever-helpful Mister Dino Fyanucci, he served as a brief announcer (nothing against him personally, but avatars weren’t there to view him).

Patrons relax as the show is about to begin: Mister Clyde Haven with Miss Gwendolyn Jenvieve; Miss Bea Shamrock with Mister Jakob Faulds; Miss Debella Deceit; Mister Stevie Underby; and Miss Candy Cindy with Miss Lilone Dimitriaski.

With a comfortably crowded audience, every seat had a good view of the well-designed stage. With VIP tables in the front to plush red velvet lounging theater chairs arranged in interaction-inviting groups, the elegant theater envelopes the audience.

Wila considers

Before the show starts, Miss wilamenia Zarco contemplates: how she might dance on such a stage? But she soon gives way to those more costumed and practiced, her imagination inspired.

Magnificently staged, costumed, and narrated, the Empire Burlesque brilliantly presents the essence of seduction and fantasy. Pushing right up to the edge of appropriateness, patrons will appreciate the originality, descriptiveness, and banter. The three dancers fill a show as 30 might!! Everyone present admired the dexterity, inventiveness of moves, and choreography. As dancers shimmied through the audience, each guest could visually savor the gorgeous costumes and the beauties within them!

burlesque dance
The first show expressed a music box containing Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord as the deceptively-innocent ballarina, who is encouraged by Miss Una Woodrunner to exercize her imagination. Through seductive narrative, the dancers became lost in their interaction, movements, and descriptions.
Shepham Moorlord

Mister Shepham Moorlord, the richest businessman in town and owner of this new Empire Burlesque Theater not only has the best seat in the house, but acts as though the show was designed especially for him! Since his wife is one of the dancers, he could be right.

Surprisingly silent, the well-attended crowd must have been spell-bound by the sounds, sights, and sensations! Characteristically. Miss wilamenia Zarco had plenty to say—quips and observations almost as entertaining as what was happening onstage!

Taking viewers on a journey of personal exploration, it is possible that the men in the audience reacted a little differently than the women. When asked if they enjoyed the show the next day, the audience-women thought it was “great.” It is obvious how the men reacted, so they didn’t need to be asked.

Though normally a journalist will happily stick a hand into the flames of controversy for a good quotation; in this family-friendly publication, such daring is impossible. Quite frankly, Miss Eleanor Medier, the publisher of this writing, spends a lot of time in a variety of places, and she had never heard such creative concepts presented this way before. So, appropriately for the tone of this publication, to quote the narrative out of context would be unfair to its full impact and experience.

Mercedes Faith

Miss Mercedes Faith lights up the stage with showing how creative purple silk, or the lack thereof, can be.

Although as much colorful fashion was splendidly displayed by the ladies in the audience, all eyes were rivited to the beauties onstage. Even sometimes mingling with the crowd, the dancer’s tantalizing movements were only surpassed by their running dialogue with their fantasties! As each dancer progressed through shedding more and more fabric, discreetly Miss Medier took fewer and fewer pictures.

Starla dances

Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord could make the most resplendent peacock, and many of the ladies in the audience, blush with showing how to use the magnificent feathers in new ways.

General readerhip-friendly photographs, albeit artfully presented, can only capture one-half of the show, sorry readers. Having to be there for the rest, make sure to be over-age, fantasy-prone, and not exceedingly naive. Although Miss Medier is old enough, but with little experience in this genré, her date, Doctor Heavy Writer (story below), was more than happy to offer his help to edit these photographs in her dark room. With commitment to the publishing requirements, Miss Medier did think it best for her solo judgement to edit, though appreciative of Doctor Writer’s generous good nature.

Una's last dance

The finale is danced by Miss Una Woodrunner in respectful (or maybe not so respectful) tribute to St. Patrick's Day earlier this week.

Romancing the Writer

The city is still buzzing with questions about The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre and the events that confused the press coverage of the full story. Certainly there are guilty perpetrators at large, make no mistake, but blamed innocence also deserve to be exhonerated.

On that fateful Sunday a few weeks ago, Miss Eleanor Medier (trusted journalist for this treasured The Chicagoan publication), had an intriguing encounter with a tall dark handsome stranger in town. It may be remembered that this fussy writer also regularly criticises the fashion sense and behavior of the men in Chicago (with very few exceptions, as covered by these pages). This is perhaps why she rarely dates. Such a sarcastic nature is usually avoided by the oppostie sex! So naturally she was caught off-guard on that day, and was quite disappointed when her Prince Charming disappeared. It seemed he was distracting her from covering the biggest story of the decade! But, alas, he is innocent of any connection to the tragedies on that day.

As a prominent doctor from New York, Doctor Heavy Writer had a meeting here with the newly formed American Medical Association, who began in Chicago twenty years ago. Sadly, Doctor Writer had chosen that fateful day to check out the city, his meeting scheduled for the next morning. He had driven from New York and was staying with friends who own a nearby farm.

Possibly interested in Chicago as a good place to open up a new practice, he wanted to get a feeling for what the city had to offer, being used to the large urban environments on the east coast. He had stopped in the Boom Boom for its lengendary blueberry juice, but found it empty on that Sunday afternoon—perhaps forgetting that this is a time of prohibition. So he was delighted when an attractive potential dance partner walked into the room, dressed just as casually as he was, though she had a camera in her hand. It seemed one of those moments of fate to him. Almost too good to be true—and he had to play it cool—he did get caught up in the dance.

After meeting Miss Medier, he began to drive back to his friend’s farm, when his Model T broke down on the way. Dismayed that he had to walk the last five miles and that his friend has no telephone (only about 1/3 of the households do), it took him all night to fix his car so he could make it to his meeting the next day at the AMA Headquarters downtown.

With business concluded, Doctor Writer drove home to New York, untangled his personal affairs, and packed his bags for Chicago. Puttering and sputtering across five states, he had frequent car trouble (his first purchase after establishing himself will be a new car) and found telephones very scarce. He had thought of contacting Miss Medier, but figured he would wait until he got settled. Once he arrived, he became so tied up with meeting the right people to set up a practice, he got swept away with preparations. When he did finally show up at Miss Medier’s office, she had already written nasty things about him for distracting her from the biggest story of the decade!

the dance

Miss Eleanor Medier and Doctor Heavy Writer enjoy dancing together, sharing an eclectic taste in music and venues.

Appologies accepted on both sides, they went dancing—what else? And hence they began to spend a lot of time together. Doctor Writer and Miss Medier seem to have much to talk about, sharing similar cultural interests and concerns. They also compare an optimism about the growth and potential in Chicago. Each committed professionally, citizen’s news and health care needs of should both be expertly serviced. New in town, Doctor Writer is pleased to get to know all the residents and to help with any mishaps that physically befall them in the daily drama of the Chicago streets.

dating

Miss Medier and Doctor Writer enjoy many recreational features available in Northern Illinois.

Swingingly Sweet

After all the formality, drama, and romance of Chicago’s recent events or activities, there is no better way to release tensions and relax with friends than at Bea’s Chop Shop. Unwind to fun tunes by 20s greats and sway with the jazzy bluesy flavor, thus the romance of the era is enhanced.

dancers

More casual than the other clubs in Chicago, Bea's Chop Shop is a hidden speakeasy that enjoys patronage from every level of society. Since they are secretly enjoying themselves, it is best not to identify them in this caption.

Singles and couples alike enjoy this venue—though many alone may not stay that way. Chicago is a romantic place, the era spiced with new freedoms in fashion, behavior, and acceptibility. Speakeasys bring all these factors together, encapsulating the flavor of the corner hidden smoke-music-filled club. Bea’s Chop Shop, owned by Miss Bea Shamrock comes the closest to capturing the environment, experience, and even fantasy of the times.

HISTORICAL NOTES:

Although burlesque was developed in the middle of the previous century, its risque form and carefree atmosphere fit in well with the Roaring 20s. Purposely created to satire popular norms, stretch acceptable conventions, and push what is appropriate, it was generally irreverent and bawdy. The amount of sexual innuendos and strip tease performances varied considerably. In Chicago, competition between theaters caused them to become less satirical and more sexual, creating voluptuously glamourous stars. The Jazz Age Chicago reports: “Performances by Chicago’s burlesque stars were among the bawdiest and most risque in the nation. By the 1920s, striptease acts involving partial or total nudity were standard fare at most of the city’s burlesque theaters.”

FLASH: The Most Sinister Plot in History
February 17, 2011

This week presents a tale of unprecedented mystery and evil that brought world attention to Chicago and changed the city forever. It is only fair to readers to unfold the story exactly the way it happened, hoping that the good citizens of Chicago will forgive this less-than-adequate and unfortunately distracted reporting.

Seduction of a Journalist

It started out as a typical Sunday morning. The Chicagoan Editor-inChief Miss Eleanor Medier looked forward to catching up on work in her Loop office, anticipating some concentrated writing time. First she let her hair down (she really doesn’t like the new bobbed hairstyles) and put on her sweater to defend against the brisk wind coming from the river. Happy to walk through the unusally quiet streets, she arrived at her office without encountering anyone. And by this time, she was used to receiving notes on her desk from the loyal and dedicated citizens who keep her informed about real or imaginary happenings about town. Sitting on her counter was a neatly folded note that revealed a simple request:

“Dear Miss Medier, We have been remodeling the Boom Boom and have some new chairs and tables that would love to be photographed. If you could spare a few minutes this morning, it would be great to see you.
Sincerely, Miss Kitten Leakey, manager”

Because Miss Leakey is a good friend to Miss Medier, she didn’t hesitate to grab her camera and skip a block over to this most popular establishment. Always pleased to see improvements, especially in interior design, Miss Medier was already composing mental images.

As she mounted the stairs and turned to enter the lounge, she was not surprised to see some new chairs, but she was very surprised to find a tall dark handsome stranger sitting on one of them, his long legs stretched before him, a cigarette casually dangling from his fingertips. Readers must understand that it had been some time since Miss Medier met any guys that weren’t what she considered “wimps,” as Chicago is full of transient and superficial newcomers. And she also didn’t think much of the regular residents who care more about the latest firearms than they do the latest fashions. This fellow, though dressed more in worker’s clothes than in the many tasteful suits being sold on Michigan Avenue, he made up for his informality by a quiet and charismatic confidence. Naturally Miss Medier’s lonely (she didn’t realize until that moment how lonely) heart did a few flip-flops. Also uncharateristic of her, wishful thinking overtook her normally skeptical judgement.

The tall dark handsome stranger didn’t seem surprised to see her, however, and that should have been her first clue that something underhanded was afoot. But though Miss Medier is much harder to distract than most women, her best appraisal decided to take a vacation at that moment. Her second clue should have been his unusual accent, but he was so complimentary and interested in every question that she asked (journalists are compelled to ask questions) he seemed to be the kind of person she hoped would move to this fair city!

Soft jazz (Miss Medier’s favorite) was playing on the radio, and after exchanging pleasantries, the stranger asked her to dance. Though the club was empty at that hour, romance gripped her heart, and she decided “why not have fun?” she unwisely said to herself. Twirling around the empty lounge in his arms, she forgot to wonder even where her friend Miss Leakey may be. And she certainly forgot about the new chairs and tables! So unlike this most popular journalist, she even overlooked the fact that the stranger never even told her his name (even intelligent women can be very foolish when it comes to romance)!

seduction

Miss Medier is swept off her normally practical feet into fantasies of romantic adventure

After a wonderful interlude of a few hours, Miss Medier mentioned to her new friend that the Saint Valentine’s Day Ball was scheduled for that very evening. Might he attend the event with her? she asked hopefully, looking forward to a sensational entrance on the arm of such a handsome and possibly presentable man—assuming he had a decent suit in his wardrobe. Saying all the right things to warm her otherwise skeptical heart, he agreed enthusiastically, assuring her that he owned better clothes. (The most successful criminals understand psychological manipulation!) Little did she know, feeling to be part of a couple at last, as their movements together seemed like meant-to-be choreography, she was missing out on the crime of the century taking place just a few blocks away! And even when she heard the sound of gunfire and shouts, she was so caught up in the moment that she ignored all indications that a world-shaking event was happening!

The Massacre that Shocked the World

Everyone knows that Chicago is the home of gangsters and prohibition-escaping enterprises. In fact, many believe that the strict prohibition laws do the opposite of what is intended: instead of encouraging virtuous behavior, they inspire even more mischief than occurred in the prior more liberal decades. Perhaps it is reverse psychology in action, but many are profitting from bootlegging, speakeasy parties, and less than honorable business negotiations. Yet no one would have ever predicted the kind of violence in the streets that leave law enforcers scrambling in many directions at once!

But the events of Valentines Day have topped all of the other sensational repercussions of the well-intentioned. On that fateful afternoon, while the most astute businessman in town, Shepham Moorlord, was preoccupied with his own romantic relaxation in his penthouse with gorgeous wife Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord, the most sinister of all crimes was progressing in the streets below! He claims that he had nothing to do with the diabolical plot.

In a discreeting unamed garage on the east side of the Loop, there was a meeting of seven leading mobsters, possibly lubricated with or motivated by alcohol, it was certainly clandestine. These also discreetly unnamed and loosely-called gentlemen were probably trying to avoid confrontation as they plotted their profitable enterprises. So they must have been surprised when there was a knock on the door which then revealed two uniformed policemen, accompanied by two trench-coat clad strangers, who entered under the guise of checking out the neighborhood for illegal activities.

Although these “gentlemen” were hardly the trusting sort (or even model citizens), they must have been shocked when these alleged policemen pulled out their tommy guns and forced them to line up along the back brick wall. No one will ever know what discussion ensued, but it could not have been pleasant. Still thinking this was a typical raid, maybe trying to fast-talk their way out of a jam, the still-unamed mobsters appeared to have cooperated with instructions. They even allowed themselves to become unarmed and certainly could not have been prepared for what infamy they would bring down upon themselves.

The alleged policemen, most inconsiderate and impolite, not only threatened this peaceful conference, they refused to give their identities, it appears. All those walking on the street nearby were halted in their tracks by flashes and the sound of rapid machine gun blasts. The imposter policemen proved themselves disreputable and evil when they opened fire upon the inhabitants of the garage! With these new weapons, enough bullets flew to not only kill each of them several times over, but splintered the bricks behind ((which later sold for a fortune when the garage was torn down in good taste)).

garage massacre

Officer Chandler Olinger is always the first on the scene of any dramatic and disreputable activity.

Fearing for their own lives, the good citizens on the street managed to reach the telephones as they disappeared behind their own closed doors. Officers Chandler Olinger and Leather Garnett were the first to arrive on the scene. One of the victims was barely still alive when Officer Olinger pumped him with questions, asking most-importantly “Who did this?” Before he died, the victim whispered “Nobody did this,” even though he suffered 14 bullet wounds. Officer Olinger, of course, doubted the truth of such an answer, as it is impossible for “no one” to cause such havoc.

massacre

Mobsters meeting peacefully are not-so-peacefully gunned down in a garage on the east side of town in the warehouse district of downtown Chicago.

Soon the ambulence arrived, but there was no one eligible for its rescue services. Only a clean-up crew was necessary because the garage was left quite a mess by the perpetrators who didn’t even bother to take the bodies with them for disposal. Also, the identities of the victims must be withheld from the press until further investigation.

Officer Olinger is completely puzzled as to who could have come up with such a spectacle of violence. Admiring their ingenuity, clandestine plot, and clever escape, Officer Olinger is not very hopeful of apprehending the guilty. Afterall, criminals who kill other criminals actually help law enforcers—much like the concept of an enemy of an enemy is really a friend!

To appease the citizens of Chicago who are rather fed up with, albeit used to, gun fire in the streets, the officers will at least try to save the city’s reputation. And those in favor of prohibition might also reconsider their position on the matter, as there is no question that bootlegging and alcoholic profits had something to do with the motive.

In the meantime, Chicago has now achieved international noteriety, which might indeed assist the tourism business of the future but does little to assure the safety of citizens in the short-term present.

The Show Must Go On (photographs by Miss Xyza Armistice)

In typical Chicago style, whenever there is a significant event, positive or negative, the best and the brightest loose themselves in the dance! Miss Medier, mortified and embarrased that she missed witnessing (and reporting on) the horrific events of the morning at least felt the consolation that her new date would admire her gown. Miss Xyza Armistice, style leader of all the Chicago ladies, worked hard with the normally-fashion-negligent Miss Medier (who admires the latest styles on paper more than on her person) on finding the right look for this major event. Taking place in the glamorous Hotel LaSalle, everyone who was anyone in the city would be there.

With stars in her eyes, Miss Medier arrived at the agreed-upon time, yet there was no tall dark handsome stranger to greet her! In fact, he was no where to be seen! Still optimistic (as her nature is always optimistic), Miss Medier made her entrance into the party alone, thinking her friend may already be inside. But he wasn’t. And as the evening wore on, it became apparent that Miss Medier would be dateless as usual.

valentine dancers

Masked dancers enjoy the great singing of Miss Dinah Halostar.

Naturally everyone at the party was abuzz with what happened that morning, so Miss Medier’s ears were filling with facts of the most alarming crime in the city’s history Putting two-and-two together (Miss Medier is good at math), she reasoned that her romantic interlude was happening at exactly the same time—she had been duped!!

valentine lovers

The lovers enjoy the dance more than those observing.

While her disappointed tears smeared her face-jewel and spilled down to spot her new satin dress, she was doubly upset! Trying to stand on the sidelines unnoticed, her great friend Chicf Olinger perceived her distress. The Chief, much more experienced in the ways of men, put her arm around Miss Medier, mistaking her tears for feelings of rejection. But any reader who understands the heart of a journalist would know that Miss Medier had all but forgotten the stranger at that point and was more focused on the sensational photographs that she didn’t shoot! She vowed to herself that she will never be so distracted again from her duty!!! The whole town knows (and is grateful for) Miss Medier’s courage, tenacity, and inventiveness. And to her great embarrassment, they now know of her foolishness.

lovely ladies

Lovely ladies exemplify the best fashions of the day; note forlorn Miss Medier looking better than ever in her light blue gown.

Chief Olinger did accurately sum up an astute conclusion when she declared (the Chief is more loyal to her friends than she is to the law): “Let’s give all the guys guns and watch them shoot each other!” Miss Medier couldn’t help but smile through her tears. The last victim of the soon-to-be-famous Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre was Miss Medier’s innocence.

Historical Notes:

The conflict between rival gangs is legendary. Suspected that the perpetrators worked for Al Capone has never been proven. It was probably retribution for a previous attack on Mr. Capone’s headquarters and an invasion of his profitable territory (gangsters tend to be very territorial). Check out a more complete description of the crime at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Valentine’s_Day_massacre and http://www.chicagohs.org/history/capone/cpn2.html

massacre

Shepham Moorlord did a fantastic job of recreating the real scene (left) with the fictional one (right).

It is also only fair to pay tribute to the one loyal and honorable heart that was the most tragic victim at the scene: the german shepherd, who did his duty until the bitter end—he howled for help until law enforcement arrived. Although he did survive the massacre, he was “destroyed” by the police who claimed he was “raving mad.” What readers will not find in the popular press, something only residents of Chicago can know (as the author of this post has found first-hand), the lot on North Clark Street where the doomed garage stood (now a parking lot), is haunted by the only pure spirit lost that day. Residents walking their dogs will observe their pets acting strangely when nearing the fence that borders the lot: they cower, howl, and whimper in the most mournful ways. This terrible crime will never be forgotten and will forever be a stain on the hearts of all animal lovers.

FLASH: Tolerances Tested
January 13, 2011

There is a buzz on the streets. Citizens unrest grows as there have been many unacceptable acts of distructive behavior occurring in the last few weeks. The good people of Chicago are demanding that something be done! Perhaps as the police and the administration are busy enjoying the perks of their positions, they don’t seem to be aware of the mischief happening under their noses! And the conscientious residents have had enough! So The Chicagoan steps up to speak for the people. If might doesn’t prevail as right, then those with imagination and resources will use them in more and more creative ways. So it is time to face the facts with this FLASH lineup!

The Fire That Won’t Die Out

Everyone must agree that some, as yet believed arsonist, went too far this time. Though the actual crime was almost two weeks ago, and The Chicagoan didn’t cover it because this seemed like half of a story. But the buzz on the street gets louder as residents and property owners are not only outraged at the attack, but that administrators (and shamefully press) have thus far ignored. However, it is delightful to run some dramatic photographs! These are HOT—literally! So if nothing else comes out of this, the photographic artwork is quite impressive! But—back to business.

Pressure is coming to bare on the police, who are bitterly complaining about being understaffed (hint hint to all those citizens with time on their hands and concern for civic progress). But, another digression.
Back to the story at hand—fortunately The Chicagon puts out an appeal to all residents for help to uncover the origins of this nasty and vindictive actThe Chicagoan is sensitive to the disappointment of the Salon’s owners who’s grand opening was interrupted. Fortunately, the astute journalist Miss Netera Landar was on the scene. Hence, here is the beginning of the continuing Salon Saga which should placate those complaining that there was no coverage and inspire those who want revenge:

••••••••••••

Barbershop Ablaze!! by Netera Landar, correspondant for The Chicagoan

Fear struck the hearts of Chicagoans as they witnessed flames engulf the new Touchables Barbershop on Fullerton, at 5 o’clock on January 1. Not a single fire truck was observed. Witnesses, staying a safe distance from the flames, were horrified at the sight! Local residents Miss Talula Shippe, Miss Kathryn Button, Mister Art Clift, Miss Meg Jelasco and Miss Wilamenia Zarco stood discussing the facts beside Police Chief Chandler Olinger. With reporter’s notebook and pen in hand, I struggled to get the story jotted down. Cautiously, knowing the reputation of Mister Clift, I couldn’t help but be curious why he was present. He seemed very happy to talk to me, and even chuckled when he volunteered that when he  “walked up the fire was already going inside and there are witnesses to that.” He also pointed out that this might have happened because it is the Salon’s opening night.

salon fire

This gorgeous photograph was captured by Chief Olinger for her scrap book.

Considering that barbershops don’t open at night, it led me to suspect that Mister Clift was actually suggesting that the shop is an illegal speakeasy! So I went right to the highest authority present to get the real story. “I was the first one on the scene,” declared Chief Olinger. While I seemed the only one concerned of a repeat of the Great Chicago Fire, everyone else seemed to be roasting marshmallows!

Mister Clift grabbed young Miss Kathryn Button (who had followed him to the scene) by the arm and pulled her forward. “See, this girl?” he insisted, shaking her. “She may be homeless soon! This is the type of evil that comes when illegal intoxicants are unleashed on this city. God bless,” he voiced without sincerity.

Emboldened by everyone’s evasiveness, I stepped up with a simple, yet deadly, question: “You think a gangster is involved?” After all, I thought to myself, if they were jealous about each other’s profitable endeavors, perhaps they wouldn’t mind lighting a match and setting a new speakeasy on fire. Of course when I voiced that question, there was a stunned silence, so it seemed a good idea to add: “This is totally off the record you know.”

salon fire observers

Miss Landar' photograph captures residents observing the fire while they discuss plausible stories for its origin.

To my surprise, Miss Shippe stepped forward into the conversation. In the meantime, the poor salon continued to burn with no fire department intervention in sight. (Where in the world are the tax dollars going to? Am I the only one asking this question?)  Miss Shippe grabbed attention when she leaned forward to explain: “Muh-mista Fang, he was thinking no club, Miss! But rather a den of iniquity!” Just in case readers don’t know, the name ‘Fang’ belongs to one of several infamous crime bosses in this corrupt city. If this friend(?) of Mister Clift’s was speaking the truth, then Mister Fang had plans. As she pointed out, because she should know, Mister Fang is fond of a wallet filled with money and dames all around him.

While questioning the witnesses, the horrid thought of people dying in the building suddenly came to mind. There was no way anyone can come out of that inferno alive! Trying to peer through the flames, I continued to listen to Miss Shippe as she elaborated: “I saw Mista Art, and the police chief heah, and the whole place was lit up like the Fourth of July, Miss,” She  seemed nervous as a mouse surrounded by alley cats!

It’s hard to believe he sensed my distress, but Mister Clift startled me when he confessed softly right into my ear: “Best I can tell nobody was in there, which is how you know I didn’t do it. If I was going to burn this place down…I’d do it with the gang inside!” I always find there is a problem in thinking: what is and what might be are two different things. Instinct whispered for me to pursue the chief who was quite preoccupied with watching the flames. Something seemed stirring in that mind of hers. Slipping away from Mister Clift and friends, I tugged on her sleeve. Her eyes looked glazed from her trance-like fascination with watching the fire lick up the sides of the building. With an odd glint, she smiled. “You want the truth, Miss Reporter?” she spat.  Maybe my curiosity was getting on people’s nerves, yet I didn’t like her tone. Still, I held my tongue from further saying what I was thinking (which Miss Medier always reminds me to do) knowing that the Chief is a well respected citizen in this dark city. Yet, how could I be prepared for what she said next?? “I set the place on fire!” she cackled. If our hearts could have stopped at that moment, they would have! Stunned, everyone was watching us, and by this time we had more attention than the fire! Yet in that astounding moment of shock, the only sound was the crackling of the flames.

inside salon fire

This is another striking image caught by Chief Olinger—a little closer to the action than seems safe.

Miss Shippe came to her senses first. “He’s a bad, bad man, Miss. He coulda dun it fer insurance! Yeah,” she reasoned, as if her reasoning even caught her off guard! I’m thinking people are innocent until proven guilty, even if this one man is a known “crook.” So attention was diverted from the chief’s startling confession, for everyone really wanted to believe otherwise. “Miss Shippe makes a good point, Miss Lander” Mister Clift enthused, as he watched me scribbling down everyone’s comments. “Mister Fang may have done it. I smell insurance fraud,” he quickly concluded.

But I’m not thinking about fraud—I’m hearing the truth from the Chief and wondering why in the world would a good person light a perfectly respectable(?) establishment on fire—and on opening night?? I sidestepped Mister Clift again, trying to regain the Chief’s attention. I was getting the feeling that I was the only one doing anything, but she did turn to me and declared “I’m tired of all these illegal booze havens getting our citizens drunk,” she admitted.  It occurred to me that she might have bent the law a bit to get her job done. And rumor was that she wasn’t on the take. She, like all of us, just was tired of seeing our men come home drunk and senseless, spending all their hard earned money on bootleg whiskey and fast women.

“You’re the Chief of Police. You’re putting yourself in danger!” I admonished. But she just went on as if I said nothing: “I’m going to run them out of town starting with this one here,” she claimed—seeming frustrated, angry, and determined.

Something bugged me though! “It’s not a good thing for the right arm of the law to make judgments Chief. We have to do things in a lawful manner!” I batted right back to her. Her eyes still had that memerized quality when her gaze slid from me back to reflecting the flames, roaring with enthusiastic gusto. “We can not allow this kind of place to flourish in this town,” she insisted and I hear the words of a senator in her authoritative declaration. “Making judgment is my job, Miss. Booze is illegal and dealing with it is my responsibility.”  “But Chief,” I couldn’t help but declare. “A judge can put you behind bars,” I warned.

Then Mister Clift, continuously nearby, claimed: “If you need a good judge, I own a few!” I noted this for further evidence in the hopefully upcoming trial. Owning the law—that was the corruption I’d read about in Atlantic City!

Miss Shippe wasn’t done with me—surprising determination from such a delicate little lady. “Ey, Lady, iffin yer press an all, aintcha sposed to keep from pointing fingahs? Jess write the stinkin thing!” she ordered. Maybe I was hitting some nerves.

salon fire smoke

Dramatic billowing smoke is photographed by Officer Chandler who was fascinated by the various stages of the flame's destruction.

But the chief also demanded my attention again. “Listen. I’m the Chief of Police. I deal with crime as I see fit. If you want to baby these gangsters then get my job first!” she told me. I knew that the government would send prohibition agents, in time, to put a lid on crime in this city, but how many sons would be buried first? How many men would end up with cement shoes in the Chicago River? I also knew that I was one step away from being written up for obstruction of justice and facing possible jail. The way the chief looked at me, I knew I better consider my options carefully. One thought, one opinion….yet the pen is more powerful than a bullet.

••••••••••••

Mayorful Musings

Further addressing the disgruntled citizens of the city, The Chicagoan‘s editor, Miss Eleanor Medier, was determined to track down the city’s on-the-run mayor. Catching up with him at his favorite vacation retreat, Miss Medier felt she represented the people in her direct and penetrating questions:

Miss Medier used a safe opener: “Mister Mayor, how do you think things are going in the city?

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “There is a lot going on. I have a new Courthouse/police station in the works which will make prosecuting the law more functional.

Miss Medier probed: “But there is serious concern in the city that there aren’t repercussions for illegal behavior. For example: the salon fire last week, gun battles in the streets, people are literally getting away with murder. What do you plan to do about it?

Mister Mayor Kiranov kept cool and calm as usual: “Well, we have set up a new listing of criminal acts and a fine structure; its in city hall right now.

Miss Medier, aware of the police crisis: “But how will it really be reinforced?

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “Basically persons will be held accountable, by either paying bail (a fine) or serving jail timeThe Police Department has yet to find a good way to implement it. But I think its a step in the right direction.

Miss Medier responded, as unsatisfied as readers probably are at this point: “At least is defined. And it seems to be step 1.”

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “And now we need to find the manpower to enforce it.”

Miss Medier: “How do you propose to do that?

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “As always , we’re limited by the times our residents are here. So trying to schedule is always difficult. But starting off, if we could at least provide some law enforcement during prime time, thats a start, and work from there. I’m sure Miss Olinger and BOI Chief Shepham Moorlord could add more on this.” Typical political evasiveness!

Miss Medier, realizing that nothing more will be gained on this topic, switched gears: “Ok– can you tell me what goals you have for Chicago?

Mister Mayor Kiranov puffed up to his true political auditory style: “My goal, simply put, is to give residents a real view into 20’s Chicago, be it the excitement, or maybe even the opposite, terror, and have them enjoy it.  I do want to keep seeing improvement as far as the numbers of resients we have.” How can anyone argue with this?

Miss Medier: “Yes—we must attract more residents.

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “Well im sure you’ve noticed that our standards of citizen activity is getting much better ((thanks to our classes we have been having on Tuesday and Thursday nights at 6:00 in my courthouse)). That will make it more real for most people.

mayor's retreat

Mayor Kiranov at his favorite vacation spot.

Miss Medier looked around at the lavish environment where she finally cornered the mayor. Determined to inspire him into deeper action, she persisted: “How about the city itself—what improvements besides the courthouse? You are a master builder, obviously!!! What about bringing the new decco skyscaper style to Chicago so we can keep our architectural leadership begun 4o years ago after the Great Chicago Fire?

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “I always like to see better buildings ((with less primage)).

Miss Medier, warming to her subject: “What about my favorite subject: the Chicago landmarks we are sorely missing???

Mister Mayor Kiranov, always quick to agree: “Yes, I myself miss them, but its a tradeoff right now, between decco and  our resources ((the amount of prims we are using)). I’d really like to see preservation work on the water tower.”

Miss Medier: “It seems to me that we could get rid of pagodas, etc. and renovate ((replace with)) the big three: the Water Tower, the lions of the Art Institute, and Buckingham Fountain. How can we be Chicago without these??

Mister Mayor Kiranov, anxious to please the press: “It is something that we are working on. I plan on starting a water tower, as soon as this other building is done. I’d like to do more, Miss Ele, but its not really my call, hehehe.

Miss Medier, understanding the politics too well: “But you are the mayor! Are you gonna bend to the richest guy in town?

Mister Mayor Kiranov, still agreeable: “Well yes, because he ((the sim owner)) is the one pulling the strings, as you know.

Miss Medier: “Not exactly. Our illustrious industrial baron ((owner)) has the same goals I think.  And if he doesnt listen to you, what good is it to be the mayor? It should be your job to show him what is possible within his parameters.

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “I do try and show him, and push toward that direction. Its ((prims are)) a big problem, and will get worse the more residents we have.

Miss Medier, tired of brief answers, probed: “Then as mayor, how do you propose to educate the residents? They tend to think they need more resources ((prims)) than they do. Without cultivating their understanding, they get resentful.

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “We just try to keep plugging, finding new ways to represent what we need, using less resources. In the end, we all have the same goals.

Miss Medier, wondering about the ‘shared goals:’ “So the mayor’s office needs to help show them how to use resources ((prims)) well, and be creative ((in rp. The classes are a huge step in that direction. So will you be conducting one of the classes?))”

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “We continue to do that. Mister Art Clift, and his crew, have really have made strides.”

Miss Medier, biting her tongue diplomatically: “Mister Clift is great, but you are our fearless leader.”

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “I dont think I will give a presentation Miss Ele, I’m not one of the stronger ((RP)) persons, hehehe, but I’m also learning more and more.

Miss Medier, not one to let him off the hook easily: “But you could have a town hall meeting. The citizens are mainly concerned about the crime going unpunished. And the economic balance ((use of the prims)) because the perceptions may be wrong. And finally—we need to do something about the guys in this town! The women are unsatisfied by these motley fellows. Few of them know how to behave, much less dress.

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “The first two we can tackle, hehehe.”

Miss Medier, wanting to be clear: “Can’t tackle the women huh?

Mister Mayor Kiranov, seemed finally a little nonplussed, loosing his well groomed tie: “Well thats a basic ((sl fact)). We have more female citizens than male. I think its the male mentality maybe. A lot of guys do like ((online)) games. But this is more of a domestic interaction experience— and big for shopping. Most men dont have the patience for it. I, myself, thrive on the interaction. I love it, and I cant do without it. More guys need to see that though.

Miss Medier, half-satisfied with finally an answer with some substance: “What can be done about this? They should love being or fighting gangsters!”

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “But alot of them would rather just push a button and shoot things mindlessly , than to chat up a beautiful woman who may just brush them off. ((Hehehe, its too much like the real world!)) Another aspect are the diferent people from all over the world, experiencing things very remote from their own background. Australians, UK, and European people are all moving into Chicago. The potential is growing every day. The Fiume has expanded dramatically, bringing alot more folks to see what we have here. With better quality music, we attract alot of great visitors.

Miss Medier: “How can we capture their interest more when they visit?

Mister Mayor Kiranov: “I think its a matter of maybe letting them see and observe more ((with a little rp thrown into the mix of dancing and music)). Maybe a staged happening or so, almost like dinner theatre. I think it would perk peoples interest.”

Miss Medier, winding down: “Is there anything else that you want the citizens to know?

Mister Mayor Kiranov, finally revealing a rare confession: “Well for one, this has been a hard couple of months for me personally, since I took office. I haven’t been there all the time as I was previously. And for that, I ask the citizen’s forgiveness and patience. I can say, that as of late, I’m much happier now. I’m having more fun, and getting back to my creative side that really brings me joy. Personally, I’ve had some things happen to me that have really stomped on that a bit. I kind of lost focus and just whiled away for a bit. But I can say, on the romantic side, that the one I do love, is talking to me again, and we’re making headway. Now it’s a matter of catching up to what I’ve lost, trying to do more for Chicago.

Miss Medier: “I hope to encourage you to have a town hall meeting ((to talk about the prims)). It will be good for your relations with your constituents.

Mister Mayor Kiranov, in a promising mood, agreed: “Yes, we will discuss that and I look forward to it.”

Miss Medier: “So glad you are back and that things are better for you. The residents of Chicago have missed you and look forward to your attentiveness.” What more can be said?? Letters to the Editor responses are encouraged.

••••••••

Message to the Mayor by Martin Winterfeld, correspondant for The Chicagoan

The usual calm tempo of the Chicago evening was interrupted yesterday by the brisk stacatto rhythm of gunfire. Fortunately, for now, there were no bodies to bury, but several spectators were taken to the hospital to be treated for shock.

Mister Clift

Mister Art Clift almost photographed at his popular club, The Boom Boom.

At 7:44, local businessman and rumored head of the Sindicate criminal organization Mister Art Clift stormed into City Hall and demanded to speak to the mayor.  When the mayor’s receptionist told him that Mayor KJ Kiranov was unavailable, he decided to let himself into the mayor’s office to do a little redecorating.  While many would start with the carpets or the wallpaper, Mister Clift began and ended his work by putting three bullet holes in the mayor’s chair… exactly where Mr. Kiranov’s heart would have been, had he not been already on his way to the Fiume.

Mister Clift then, according to eyewitness reports, announced loudly so they could all hear very clearly: “If you see the damned mayor…. you tell him that Art Clift was here… and he was here for business!” What business he may have with the mayor, he didn’t elaborate on at the time. His spokesman, Mister Darknight Dastardly was reached early this morning by telephone for comment and stated definitively, “Mister Clift ain’t so happy with how this city is running. He’s filed lawsuits with the courts and nothing’s happening, the city lets trash like The Outfit walk the streets every day, and the police defaced his automobile the other day while it was lawfully parked outside Mister Clift’s own office. He wants new administration in this city, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get it.” When asked if that included killing the old mayor, as that seems to be how succession is handled in this town, Mister Dastardly replied “Who did you say this was?  You want to talk about this in person? Maybe we could meet tonight? Someplace quiet and dark?  Near the river maybe?” And when I paused to give a cryptic answer, he hung up before I could reply.

The mayor’s office has, so far, declined to comment on either the Sindicate threats or what type of chair the mayor will consider to replace the recently perforated one.

FLASH: Seasonal Sagas
December 20, 2010

Continuing with this series of shorter timely new stories to keep readers up to date, this installment deals with unplanned consequences, which seem to happen no matter what techniques are employed to avoid. There is much to learn from others’ experiences, and readers are encouraged to find enrichment in examples of holiday happenings.

Don’t miss below: Soggy Santa that is a tale of spirit, Colorful Congratulations to welcome a new pinacle of fashion, Vella Vents to stay in the know about the Judge’s and leading businesswoman’s friendship, and finally Faction Friction to discover how egos are clashing over property exchange.

••••••••••••
SOGGY SANTA

Chicagoans are always the most well-intentioned in every endeavor. The Santa-sitting ceremony looked fantastic—complete with chair for the obligatory red knee to sit upon and declare greedy desires without guilt, bag of toys for those who need instant gratification, and best of all, cute Santa’s helpers. Santa himself, though the cuties do distract a bit, had the perfect throne to show off his also-perfect costume. Everything was set up exquisitely.

christmas

Santa arrives on Michigan Avenue; Miss Chandler Olinger showing her most friendly side; Miss Leather Garnet welcoming verus pursuing, and Miss XPandoraX Viper who competes for cutest.

The stunning Christmas tree, as a follow up to the expensive tree-lighting ceremony, was the perfect backdrop. Although there is snow on the ground and a chilly wind screaming up the river, the scene was so warm and cozy that many of the ladies could go without coats.

participants

Miss Talula Shippe proves good taste in her snuggly jacket; Mister Martin Wrentling shows growing enthusiasm for the presents being distributed; Misses Starla Huntress Moorlord continues to set fashion standards; Judge Want2 Tinkel appears in a less-than-official capacity; Miss Patricia Silentghost can barely behave; and Miss Charlotte Martiel who didn't attend, was spotted nearby displaying this drop-dead gorgeous red dress that begs to be seen

Residents trickled in and a merry group was formed as friends greeted one another and welcomed several new faces. Excited about how fast the city is accomodating immigrants from Ireland, Italy, and Poland, such attractions are an opportunity for newcomers to check out the competition.

Several cute pictures were shot of giftt-seeking citizens who perched on Santa’s lap, though Judge Want2 Tinkel was the first and stayed a little longer than decorum permitted. Nonetheless, jolly music played, cameras snapped pictures, and the bag of presents became  notably smaller. Then Santa stood up to stretch his legs for a minute and with uncharacteristic cluminess for someone who shows such agility with chimneys, he wandered too close to the river, slipped on the ice, and fell into the icey water. Naturally the observors, who are used to this sort of thing, pulled him out quickly but his costume needed to ring out buckets of water. Sloshing over to the nearest shop to change, he had not brought a spare Santa outfit. For a professional of his experience, this is rather alarming. Hasn’t he ever singed one climbing down fire place chimneys?

santa swims

Judge Tinkel gets comfortable; Santa goes swimming; the persistent wait; and to end the evening, Mister Dano Hammerthall fills in Santa's role for Miss Kitten Leakey.

Most of the parents in the crowd scurried off with their children, not wishing to dampen youthful exhuberance by seeing Santa so diminished. Santa, having lost the enthusiasm for hohoho’s, just wanted to sample some of the Fiume’s finest beverages. No one could talk him into wearing a wet suit into the cold, much less make the bottoms of any seated guests quite saturated.

But determined attendees don’t give up so easily. The the group, though much diminished, still had a few who lingered. These enthusiasts waited and waited, but alas, no more Santa. Perhaps they should have goned to the Fiume to join the soggy santa, but their focus was too much on their conversation, the red empty chair, and the bag of presents about half full. Those who are next-in-line are usually the most persistent.

The tenacious can also be very creative, transforming a dissapointment into a memorable special experience. Mister Dano Hammerthall, always cheerfully ready to be of public service, was also undobutedly wishing to impress his lady love, Miss Kitten Leakey. Miss Eleanor Medier, itching for a photograph with which to end the story, also concerned about Miss Leakey’s health which has been poor of late, suggested she sit down and rest on the red chair. But Mister Hammerthall, jolted to attention by the word ‘photograph,’ swept petite Miss Leaky up in his arms and gracefully landed, with her on his knee, for the cutest pose of the evening.

Such creativity goes to show that the spirit of Christmas is more than the outward traditions or gifts everyone craves, but that true Christmas spirit lies within.
Citizens of chicago must realize that all news is not good news. And for santa to have to swim in the river instead of fly through the air is an unfortunate experience. But do not let that dampen spirits whatsoever because the story at the end of this page will cheer and inspire guiltless unlimited spending, focusing the season’s priorities where they really belong.

••••••••••••

COLORFUL CONGRATULATIONS

There is no better time to welcome a new shop to Chicago than in the season of buying. Ladies of Chicago tend to travel around to find the most flattering attire, but with The Curious Seamstress now on Michigan Avenue (appropriately located by the Fiume—right where ladies don’g have to go far to wear their new gowns) Chicagoans can better compete on the international fashion stage.

curious seamstress

Miss Kembri Tomsen opens her newest shop on Chicago's Magnificent Mile.

Miss Tomsen generously hostessed an open house which attracted many of her long-time customers to visit Chicago’s Most American City for the first time. On-hand to support her new venture and to greet the fasion-conscious visitors were Misses S, BOI Chief Shepham Moorlord, and Miss Medier of this press.
Miss Tomsen demonstrates the ultimate of good taste in her designs, colors, and materials.
Miss Tomsen promises men’s fashions soon as well and the Chicagoan looks forward to gracing these pages with her sophisticated style, jewel colors, and sumptuous materials. Male readers should demonstrate their ultimate good taste by surprising their lady loves with a gift to extend their wardrobes. Be sure to stop by and consider adding to the color in the entertainment establishments—such good color makes for better photos!

••••••••••••
VELLA VENTS

Reporting can be risky business, as Miss Eleanor Medier has discovered of late. Having submerged herself into the marital quagmire of her dear friends, Misses Tiffy Vella and Judge Want2 Tinkel, always looking for news can cause a friction between personal and professional concerns. The deep friendship between The Chicagoan‘s Editor-in-Chief Miss Eleanor Medier and this pair of dear companions is no secret. Additionally, the personal commitments of such visible leaders in the community—representing law and business respectfully—also can not be a secret from the public. So the clearing up of status, name-spellings, and tasteful use of photographs are all concerns of this publication.
tiffy vella

Misses Tiffy Vella stands alone at the santa sitting party, festively dressed as expected.

Miss Medier, dedicated to both sides of every story, continues to be of service by providing the un-edited full length verbose rantings of a husband left out of the most fasionable events in the Most American City. How could he not feel jealous that he can’t enjoy the great music of the Fiume or show off his two-tones dancing at the Boom Boom? How could he not believe he is sitting out on the sidelines when he reads the exciting activities of creative citizens, as expressed on these pages?

So as readers absorb this contribution to editorial intrigue, do keep in mind that it is just one side of the story:

Dear Miss Medier,

Well, ‘aint this Marconi a wonderful thing? Here way out on thestation I can have the Chicago newspapers transcribed and sent for meto read and I can even send a letter back to you and all in just twodays!  What an age we live in!
But never mind these mechanical wonders, I’m writing you just so youknow that I’ve got eyes and ears everywhere.  In fact, you might evenhave the glaziers out front right now reminding everyone of that….

In fact, I’ve got contacts in Chicago those “business men” can onlydream of (just who do you think arranged my Tiffy’s rescue from thosekidnappers?).
I read with interest about the bags under Judge Tinkel’s eyes. It’sno wonder. He must have been up all night thinking up that huge pileof horse manure he gave you for a quote! That apology was about asgenuine as the hair on the new Mayor’s head (oh yeah, I heard therumours). Saying “I’m sorry I wouldn’t have done it if I’d haveknown I was gonna get caught” is not going to cut any mustard with me!

Now this Marconi isn’t all wonderful. Of course you can’t send apicture on it (and we all know that pictures can never be sent bywireless – it’s a well know fact, just like we know we can never haveanother war like the “great one” last decade!). However, my contact,like you, has a way with words and described the photo with thearticle in minute detail.

So, I know exactly where the Judge’s hand is resting and I’ll tell youI never even got to do that on our wedding night! Now apparently youcan’t see Tiffa’s left hand in this photo but my contact has seenplenty of other printed images where you can. They tell me the ring I gaveher isn’t anywhere to be seen on any of her finers!

So why would this be? If my Tiffy and this judge are such closefriends (only), why don’t any of her letters home mention him? Mostof all, why has Tiffa herself been seemingly gagged with her story notallowed to be told? Is she under any duress? For what purposes isthis Judge pursuing such an intimate relationship? Why was myexistence kept such a secret  For exactly what sinister purpose didhe allow the people of Chicago to think he and my Tiffy were man andwife? I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job but these are thequestions that need to be answered…….or are you and the good Judge incahoots?

The only piece of the Judge’s diatribe that wasn’t guano was the partabout how much I love her.  I’m pretty sure my Tiffy can take care ofherself, but if I hear any hint of those Chicago low-lifes takingadvantage of her in any way whatsoever they’ll find they last about aslong as a seized bottle of scotch in the Chicago Police evidence room! I’m watching……

I Remain, Madam, Your Faithful Servant, D [Mister Vella wishes to be known as just “D”]

••••••••
FACTION FRICTION

And finally, this letter—on cream colored stationery, albeit poorly typed, was hand-delivered to the Chicagoan office this afternoon by a small man wearing the outfit of a paper boy. Miss Medier recognized the envelop style with the gold lettering. With shaky fingers, she broke the seal and unfolded the expensive rag paper:

darknight

Mister Darknight doesn't look too friendly.

Dear Editor,
It’s with a heavy heart that I write to you today to talk about anti-competitive business practices.  The Sindicate has, in all its endeavors, been a supporter of the free market system and the competition that grows out of our libertarian ideas.

But certain other businesses in the city of Chicago have taken the Laissez-Faire attitude we enjoy to the extreme and tried to create a business environment that is certainly Laissez-UNFAIR.

Last night, on two separate occassions goons attempted to breach the Boom-Boom Lounge to negotiate a better deal with a contact of their own. However the Boom-Boom is the home of the Sindicate and, as all PROPER Sicilian business men do, we hold to the principle that your home is a sanctuary, so while the Outfit contact was in our home, we were obligated to protect her interest. We did that with the utmost savvy, haste, and efficiency, so as to be the least disruptive to the civic peace.

However, while we were able to keep our corner of the market hegged against destabilizing interests, not all businesses in this great city can say the same. Mere hours before the owner of the Almost Sunset Salon was gunned down in cold blood even after we had offered a merger of interests that could have protected her.  I urge all citizens of Chicago to reflect on that, and when the Sindicate offers our company’s friendship please remember this cautionary tale.

Committed Businessman and Negotiation Specialist,
Darknight Dastardly